By: Ileana Yanett
As we go about our daily lives, we make choices. In those choices, we either give a little or a lot, take a little or a lot – and sometimes we get something in return. This is can be in anything – work, relationships, personal and/or business, family and/or friends. Thus, on a daily basis, we provide for and we encounter the experience of withdrawals or deposit actions on our emotional bank account.
A state of conflict can force need and demands, display disrespect and anger – this is what can provide for unwanted or unplanned withdrawals from your emotional bank account. Sometimes its gets to be too much and we feel that by avoiding the situation, it may make it better. I call this “flight mode”. We’ve all done it. We don’t mean to, but this is when we default into a flight mode and we leave the situation mentally and physically. Something we can fix later, correct? Wrong. Don’t let it be a little too late.
We can build a wealth within our emotional bank accounts by managing the withdrawals and deposits very closely. Some examples that will keep our accounts high as the giver or receiver are:
The little things count. All the small actions we take to make someone else’s day, add up and they end up paying a great dividend. Doing small things here and there, such as leaving a thank you note, or just a nice note to wish them a great day shows thoughtfulness and helps build on the account. Kind gestures, kind words, along with a smile here or there, shows courtesy and goes a long way to brighten someone’s day. Do a little something extra for someone special in your life today – just the plain thought of the action is enough to add substantial value into the emotional bank account.
Be Open – with your eyes, ears and mind. Listen, be attentive, and be there in the moment. With so much technology around us, we are attached to our mobile devices and lost in social media; thus, not giving our undivided attention to our loved ones. By being in the moment with them, we show we care/that we are interested; we listen and they see/know they have our support. At work, I’m often in a situation where another person in a meeting speaks before someone is done- hence, their mind that is not actively listening but instead thinking of what to say next. To be able to be in the moment and understand the other party and their perspective, we need to concentrate on them, their words, and their body language. Since we are not mind readers, these are moments we shouldn’t take for granted. Pay attention, be in the moment, and listen – you will see it will bring happiness.
Don’t break promises. To maintain trust, you have to have integrity. Integrity to keep your commitments as promised. Each of us have duties and/or responsibilities that we are responsible to uphold, and it’s up to us to work hard to keep our word. Nonetheless, circumstances happen when we have to change courses. However, that’s where proper communication can still hold up our end of the bargain – by communicating well with our loved ones. Keeping promises can provide for building and maintaining solid foundation in relationships.
Celebrate the day. Celebrate. Celebrate and keep on celebrating. I don’t see much these days on celebrating others and we should change that. It should not always be about us – it should be about others as well. When our friends and loved ones are successful, we are successful. We should celebrate not just any day, but that special day – it could be a birthday, an anniversary, or even a friend-anniversary. With technology all around us, we should not have to miss an important date – Facebook does remind us well! Remember, a small note can make someone special to you feel loved and important. Make their day!
Fight with respect. Don’t lose the respect because of a difference of opinion. Every relationship has their ups and down with arguments and major disappointments. The key to resolving the issue or settle an issue is to talk, communicate – yes, talking it out resolves most issues, Most of the times it’s a small misunderstanding that has been blown up from miscommunication. Communication is practicing respect for your time and theirs, and is a major tool in providing understanding. Don’t allow for your trust to be broken and your relationship become a distant memory. All relationships are worth the fight, when it’s done the right way.
Maintaining Positive Minded. No relationship is perfect. There is exists none – everyone relationship has their strengths and weakness. It is in difficult times where you true character and personality within a relationships shines through. Do you muddle in the negative or do you find strength within each other to build up and move forward. If you find your partner or loved one having difficulties staying positive, remember that you have the control in that moment to determine the next steps in mindset. Choose to speak words that are opportunistic and positive. Maintaining a positive mind set provides for a healthy and balanced relationship. Today and tomorrow, speak greatness, learn to talk about issues and twist the possible outcome into a positive outlook.
Let your ego say “I’m sorry”. I find this one hard to practice, it does take a lot to acknowledge when you have fault. But if we practice it, when it does happen, it lifts a heavy weight off our shoulders. It’s okay to be wrong and it’s okay to say I’m sorry. It does not make you any less of a person, but it provides for a positive balance in your emotional bank account. Once we accept that we all make mistakes, we can continue with the learning of lessons and life itself. Accept blame when warranted and allow the healing to begin. Keep your relationship in a positive balance, and do your best to maintain that balance as you move forward. Remember: do what’s right even when others are watching.